In 39 days I get to marry my best friend and I couldn’t be more excited. The first 9 months of engagement felt like they dragged by, but now in the final stretch and a little over a month away, the weeks are flying by. The excitement and anticipation for our wedding day is also mixed with some anxiety as I have so much to prepare and finish planning. My fiance and I remind each other that at the end of the day, this is about us getting married regardless of the details and how the day goes. 

My instagram feed has become a hub for all things wedding and bride preparation. While some things are useful, I have found it is bringing up old insecurities in myself. So many engaged influencers talk about their strict beauty and fitness regimen leading up to the big day, the vast expanse of expensive products, clothing, and just stuff they are purchasing for all things wedding. I started to feel like if I didn’t do all of these things, my love for my future husband might not be as strong if I’m not willing to do all this to look my best and be my best self. There is a growing expectation that as a bride, your wedding day is THE day that you are perfect. Skin glowing, toned body, perfectly manicured, perfect hair, white teeth, the list could go on and on. Basically, the bride should be at peak perfection, because it’s all downhill from there, right? 

I found myself buying into this lie and it was making me feel worse about myself as wedding planning progressed. The idea that anyone could be perfect is untrue, but I also strongly disagree that my wedding day should be my peak at all! I definitely want to put care into myself for that day and am doing things to prepare, but shouldn’t we put more care into preparing ourselves for the rest of life with a person? More than that, shouldn’t we put care into preparing ourselves for Christ? 

As followers of Jesus, we are not called to perfection, but to show up with our best. Not to show off, but to glorify God by bringing what we have to offer. Doing my best doesn’t mean doing it perfectly. The book of Colossians talks about doing all we do for the glory of God, but it doesn’t ask us to do it to perfection. If we were able to attain such a thing, why would we ever need a Savior? Or earthly companionship? 

Something that is so beautiful about marriage is how it is meant to reflect Jesus and us. We are the bride, he is the groom. In this analogy, it is not the bride who makes herself perfect, but the groom refines her and their union is what brings about her newness and enhances her beauty. Stay with me here. I am not saying as women a man completes us or that all of my self worth is in him, but in Jesus, yes. Jesus gives me a sense of self that is true and everlasting. We are made perfect by his love for us and forgiveness that was bought at the price of his death and resurrection. He provides the example for us of what it looks like to lay one’s life down for a friend and love selflessly- something that is often mentioned in a marriage ceremony too. 

So firstly- I am not meant to be a perfect bride because that contradicts God’s design for marriage. Marriage is a union of two imperfect people who are promising to love one another selflessly and refine one another to be more like Jesus. This covenant partnership gets to be a living testimony of what it is like to have your life changed by Jesus! 

Secondly- there is purpose in preparation! I think it is a natural desire to want to look beautiful and be beautiful for the person we love. However, it has been idolized and twisted. I am so excited to wear my gorgeous wedding dress and feel beautiful, but also part of that excitement comes from knowing my fiance already sees me as beautiful and would marry me if we were wearing muddy clothes or ballgowns and tuxes. What I am most excited for is the fact that as we live married, we will get to help each other grow. The wedding day isn’t the peak but just the planting of a seed which gets to flourish the longer we’re married. We both have opposing strengths and weaknesses and get to be the stronger partner in different cases and the weaker in others. In this way, we get to help one another and learn from each other. 

The beauty of marriage is that it does not start perfect, it isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t end perfectly. It is like a refiner’s fire that purifies gold. We get to be refined for our Savior in choosing to do this hard thing together and live out a parable of what union with God looks like and what it will be like when it is brought to completion when our souls get to be together with Him. 

Whether or not you’re in a season of engagement, marriage, or dating, the ultimate truth is that we all get to live in union with Jesus! He is the prize at the end of the race! Insecurity is real and looks different for everyone, but it all melts away when we pause to praise our Creator and be reminded that he is intentional, loving, and chasing after our hearts every day.